Welcome back on this journey. If you have made it here, it means that you have already felt—or are only just beginning to sense—that tantric sex is not just about longer orgasms and more beautiful positions. Above all, it is a mirror. A very clear, utterly merciless mirror that shows everything you have hidden deep within your body over the years: shame, fear of rejection, anger at former partners, the feeling of “I’m not good enough,” small and major sexual traumas, beliefs brought from home (“sex is a sin,” “a man must always perform,” “a woman should lie there and look pretty”).
These blocks are not obstacles on the tantric path.
They are the path itself.
The deeper you go into conscious touch, breath, energy, and intimacy, the more the body begins to “speak.” Sometimes in a whisper—a slight tightness in the throat. Sometimes with a scream—a sudden bout of crying, fury, the abrupt loss of arousal, panic, an instinctive urge to pull away. In this text, you will get absolutely everything you need to move through these moments not only safely, but also to transform them into the deepest healing you have ever experienced in the bedroom (and beyond). I will write at length and with great specificity—because the subject is enormous, and I do not want you to have to look elsewhere. Here you will find both gentle tools for absolute beginners and advanced practices for people who have been working with sexual energy for years and suddenly encounter a “wall” they had never seen before. Let us begin with the very essence.
Why Blocks Surface Precisely During Tantra (and Why That Is Good News)
In ordinary, fast sex, there are plenty of ways to escape:
– alcohol,
– darkness,
– haste,
– positions in which you do not look each other in the eyes,
– orgasm as the goal that “brings the matter to an end.”
In tantra, all these escapes disappear.
There is only you, the other person, breath, touch, silence or Zensual music in the background, and absolute nakedness—not only of the body, but of the soul.
The body stores emotions exactly where it once “parked” them in order to survive.
– Childhood shame (“don’t touch yourself there”) → most often a blockage in the throat and pelvis.
– Rejection by a former partner (“you are not sexy enough”) → freezing in the heart and vagina/breast.
– Sexual violence or boundary violations → panic throughout the nervous system when the genitals are touched.
– Religious upbringing (“sex is a sin”) → guilt immediately after orgasm or even during arousal.
When sexual energy (that is, pure life force) begins to flow more freely—thanks to breath, slow touch, and looking into each other’s eyes—it encounters these old “bottlenecks.”
The result? Emotions rise to the surface at precisely the moment of greatest intimacy.
This is not a “ruined session.”
It is the beginning of the deepest sexual healing possible.
How to Recognize Blocks During a Session—Physical, Emotional, and Energetic Symptoms
Learn to read the body like a book. Here are the most common signals (I have divided them into levels—from subtle to very intense):
Physical:
– A sudden loss of arousal (the penis suddenly goes soft, the vagina becomes dry despite earlier arousal)
– Muscle tension (especially in the pelvic floor, jaw, shoulders, and neck)
– Cold hands/feet despite warmth in the rest of the body
– Shallow, rapid breathing or holding your breath
– The body trembling (not from arousal, but from fear)
– Pain in specific places (e.g. in the lower abdomen, throat, or heart)
Emotional:
– Sudden shame (“I don’t want them to see me like this”)
– Anger (“not this again!”, “why are they touching me like that?”)
– Sadness/crying for no obvious reason
– Panic (“I have to get away,” “I can’t do this”)
– Guilt (“what we are doing is wrong”)
Energetic (for those who already feel energy):
– The energy “escapes” downward and disperses (instead of rising)
– A blockage in one of the chakras (e.g. the heart is closed—you cannot look into the other person’s eyes; the solar plexus—a feeling of powerlessness)
– A sudden “coldness” in the body despite physical warmth
If you notice any of these signals—stop everything.
Do not “wait it out”; do not “keep going so as not to ruin the mood.”
Stopping is the most sacred part of tantra.
Golden Safety Rules—Before You Even Begin the Session
Safe word – always three levels: – Yellow = “slow down, something is happening” – Red = “stop immediately, everything” – Green = “okay, I can take more” Agreement before the session (even if you have been together for 20 years): “If something comes up – emotions, crying, anger – we allow it to be. We do not fix it right away. We hold space.” Never work with trauma alone if it is very deep (rape, childhood abuse, serious betrayals). Therapy comes first (preferably with a therapist familiar with somatic experiencing or body-oriented therapy). Tantra is not a substitute for therapy – it is a wonderful complement, but only after the initial clearing. Always keep at hand: – water, – tissues, – a blanket (in case of chills), – something to cuddle (a pillow, a stuffed animal – seriously, it helps).
What to do when a blockage emerges – step by step
Step 1 – Stop all physical movement completely
Not “slow down a little.” Complete stillness. If you are penetrating – withdraw gently (or stay inside if the person asks you to – but without moving).
Step 2 – Return to the breath (together or separately)
Best in moments like these:
– 4-4-4-4 heart breathing (if the person is able to)
– Or simply deep, slow abdominal breathing – without forcing synchronization
Step 3 – Name what is happening (out loud)
Example:
“I feel something tightening in my throat… I don’t know what it is, but I’m sad.”
“I suddenly feel a lot of shame… I don’t want you to touch me now.”
“Something inside me is afraid… I only need your hand on my heart.”
Simply naming it reduces the intensity by 50–70%.
Step 4 – Ask the body what it needs right now
Not the mind – the body.
The answer often comes on its own:
– “hold me tightly”
– “let me go, I need space”
– “just be here, don’t say anything”
– “tell me that I’m safe”
Step 5 – Let the emotion flow (not “force yourself to cry” – simply don’t block it) If you cry – cry. If you are angry – you can hit a pillow, scream into a pillow, stomp your feet. If you feel shame – you can cover yourself with a blanket, turn your back (that’s okay too).
Step 6 – Integration after the wave When the emotion subsides (usually 2–20 minutes): – Placing your hands on your heart and belly (your own and/or your partner’s) – Saying: “Thank you for coming out. I’m here with you.” – Often, at this moment, a huge wave of love and closeness appears – stronger than before the blockage.
Specific techniques for the most common blockages
A. Sexual shame (most common among women and men raised in a culture where “sex = dirty”)
The “Shame Mirror” technique (solo or with a partner):
Sit naked in front of a mirror (or with your partner sitting behind you, embracing you) Look at your genitals without touching them – just look. Breathe deeply and say out loud: “I see you. You are beautiful. There is nothing wrong with you.” (the first 3–5 times, there will be crying or nervous laughter – that’s normal) Slowly begin to touch – very gently – saying “I love you exactly as you are.”
B. A blockage in the throat (you cannot make a sound, speak about your needs, asking for something feels impossible) The “Releasing Sound” exercise
Lying down or sitting – make any sound that wants to come out (even if it is a squeak, sob, or roar) Place your hands on your throat and heart at the same time Repeat for as long as it takes to feel a vibration in your chest With a partner: one person makes a sound, while the other only listens and breathes together with them – without judgment
C. Freezing of arousal (the body suddenly “switches off”) The “Pelvic Rocking with the Breath” technique
Lie on your back, knees bent, feet on the floor Gently rock your pelvis (forward and backward) to the rhythm of deep breathing Hands on your lower abdomen Say silently or aloud: “I allow the energy to flow. I am safe.”
D. Anger toward your partner (“you’re doing the same thing again!”, “I don’t feel seen”) The “Fury Pillow” technique
Sit opposite each other, with a pillow between you The person who feels angry hits the pillow and screams out everything they want to say (“I’m furious that…”) The other person only listens, breathes, and may say, “I hear you. I’m here.” After 3–10 minutes, enormous relief and tears of release most often come.
E. Deep sexual trauma (rape, sexual abuse, serious boundary violation) Tantra alone is not enough here. First: – Somatic Experiencing therapy, EMDR, or a sex therapist specializing in trauma. Only afterward, very slowly: The “Touch Only Where I Want It” technique
The person with trauma lies fully clothed, while the other sits beside them The trauma survivor guides their partner’s hand exactly where they want to be touched—and removes it whenever they want Zero genital touching for the first weeks/months Every “no” is sacred and immediately respected
Advanced practices – once you have already moved through the first layers
A. Shakti-Shiva meditation (encountering divinity within yourself and your partner)
Sit opposite each other, naked or half-naked Look into each other’s eyes for a minimum of 10–15 minutes Repeat silently: Woman: “I see Shiva in you – pure consciousness” Man: “I see Shakti in you – pure creative power” When emotions arise, allow them to flow without breaking eye contact This is one of the most powerful practices for dissolving shame and the feeling of “unworthiness.”
B. Kundalini crying / trembling release When kundalini energy begins to awaken (often after several months of practice), the body itself begins to tremble, cry, and laugh. Do not block it – lie down on a mat and let your body do whatever it wants (this is the natural release of trauma from the nervous system). C. Yoni/Lingam healing ritual (only with someone you trust deeply or solo) – A long, ceremonial session in which genital touching is exclusively healing, without arousal as the goal – Saying affirmations: “Welcome home,” “I’m sorry I ignored you,” “I love you”
Every blockage that comes to the surface is a gift. It is your psyche saying: “Now you are strong enough to let this go.” Do not fight it. Do not be ashamed of it. Do not apologize to your partner (unless you really have crossed a boundary). Tantra is the art of loving yourself exactly as you are – with all your scars, tears, and wounds. The more you allow yourself to be authentic in the bedroom, the freer you will also become outside it. If you want – write what is coming up most strongly for you. I can give you a personalized practice for exactly your blockage. You are on the best possible path. With love and respect, Your guide to tantra 🌹
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